You are having a rough day, you are upset and just need to vent. You get in front of a loved one or a trusted friend, you pour out your heart, you open yourself up, only to get, “Oh, don’t feel that way. Look at all you have to be thankful for!” Perfect, now I am annoyed and a bit mad as I was just accused of not being thankful and grateful. I should have kept my mouth shut.
You are having a rough day, you are upset and just need to vent. You get in front of a loved one or trusted friend, you pour out your heart, you open yourself up, and you hear, “Oh, you have a right to be upset.” or “Sounds like a rough day.” or “Wow, I would be upset too.” VALIDATED! Thank you!!! I feel better!
So often, while we don’t mean to, we minimize other’s feelings. We look at their problem through our eyes, or with a view of the situation that is different and we pass a judgement, even when we do it out of love. I am extremely thankful and grateful for all I have in my life, I think about it every day, but there are times, now matter how good I have it, I feel bad, I feel sad, mad, frustrated, defeated, etc. and I have a right to feel those feelings, because they are authentic. I know I won’t stay feeling that way, that I will quickly move back to feeling good, but for the time, I need to feel my feelings, embrace them, let them be so that I can let them go. To have someone tell me that I should not feel a feeling is like them telling me to not breathe. My feelings are authentic and real, let me own them.
Let people feel. Let your kids have emotions and help them learn that emotions are natural and that there are healthy ways to deal with them. Let your loved ones have their time to feel, even if you don’t understand it. As my mom always says, “This too shall pass” and it will, if you allow it to be what it is, an emotion that has value.